Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day

I realize I haven't been posting much as of late. 2010 has really started off with a bang. And by "bang," I mean "existential crisis-level workload." But in honor of today I decided to search my hard drive for the word "Valentine" to see if I had anything kicking around. I know, it sounds so sweet when I put it that way.

Frankly, I'm sort of ambivalent about Valentine's Day. The arteries of it are clogged with hackneyed greeting cards and performance anxiety and stultifying expectations. But here's what my computer found, from a truthy sort of piece I started writing about the planets:

PLUTO– Scientists no longer consider Pluto a planet, but rather our Solar System’s second-largest plutoid. And if this sounds like a big consolation prize, the astronomical equivalent of a Valentine from your mom, you are right. It is.
I sympathize with Pluto, as scientists recently phoned to tell me that I could no longer be considered fully human, but would henceforth be known as the world’s second-handsomest adamrexian. I thanked them, expressed my appreciation that they called me personally rather than just letting me hear about it in the media, then spent the next several days staring searchingly into mirrors and crying myself to sleep.


And, because most of you probably come here to look at pictures, here's a rejected cover sketch for a humor anthology I'm illustrating–the first of a number of anthologies published under the umbrella of Jon Scieszka's GUYS READ. More on this anthology to come. For now I'll just say I consider this possibly the best failed cover idea in my history as a cover artist.

5 comments:

Phil said...

That image is hilarious. I don't really have any idea what's happening and it only adds to the wonderful surrealism. Why in the world are his pants down? Was he mooning someone? Using the lawn as a toilet? Changing back into his civvies from his superhero costume after saving a bus full of children? Fantastic.

I wonder how many children will grow up questioning authority because no one could decide how to classify Pluto when they were studying the solar system. "They couldn't even get Pluto right! How am I to trust you on more important issues?! I hate you, Dad!"

Holly Jane said...

I luurve the cover, but I am really just coming in here to kick you in the shins for not posting in weeks.

chris said...

FAT VAMPIRE!

Nina Crittenden said...

Nice, and totally appropriate, since there is a full moon tonight!

Karen (: said...

Love the pluto blurb. I loved Pluto and when they demoted it to a dwarf planet, I was devastated. That's basically saying it's too small to be considered a planet, which, in human terms, would be like saying that midget's are too short to be considered people... I like your take on it, it made me smile.